while I vent and get something I’ve just realized off my chest!
My daughter and son-in-law just moved….to another country! This makes me extremely sad because I have no idea if it’s a permanent move or just a few years since I’ve heard both scenarios from them. While I absolutely love that my daughter gets to experience the world and different cultures while she’s young, I don’t love the possibility of her living in another country permanently! Her husband grew up there and has travelled quiet a bit, so he has already seen quiet a few different cultures.
Now, I know that when people say, “Go visit her”, “This is just a reason to go visit that country”, etc. they’re trying to be empathetic and help make me feel better, but it doesn’t! In fact, it makes me even sadder! Why? Because it’s not like I can hop in my car, drive a few hours, and then knock on their door to visit. I have a job; I have responsibilities; it costs a lot of money to travel to another country! Hell, I’m still paying off the credit card for our visit to Germany for their wedding last year!! I never thought about how patronizing it was to tell someone to just “go visit” a loved one when they moved away….until now! I get it now and I don’t think I’ll ever say that to someone again (unless they really do move just a few hours away and it is possible to visit often)!
As if their move wasn’t bad enough, our new neighbors had a party the following day and my husband had already said we would attend. That night was a dinner for one of my very best friend’s birthday as well. I REALLY didn’t want to walk across the street to the new neighbor’s house, but I was looking forward to seeing my two best friends to celebrate, laugh, vent, and cry! Then my husband did it! As I was walking through the room to sit down and put my shoes on, he asks, “What’s wrong?” My mind really didn’t comprehend the words my ears just heard so I replied, “What did you just ask?!” “What’s wrong?” he asked again. I looked at this man that I love so dearly and said, “You’re kidding, right? You seriously don’t know what’s wrong with me?” Clueless replies, “No, I have no idea what’s wrong with you.” With that, I looked him in the eyes and said, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me!!” and walked away!
Without saying a word to him, I walked out the door and started down the driveway to go to the neighbor’s house. I hear, “Are you going to wait for me?!” behind me and it’s all I can do to keep my mouth shut, head facing forward, and tears from flowing! We spend a couple hours at the neighbor’s house before my other best friend gets to our house to leave and meet the birthday girl for our planned dinner.
Dinner was a welcome relief! I made Clueless drive because I planned on having a drink and I refuse to drink after even one…and I’m a “cheap drunk” since it’s so rare that I do drink! I didn’t tell my BFFs about the comment Clueless made earlier since he was sitting right next to me and they already knew NOT to talk about my daughter moving away, so we focused on the birthday girl and had a very nice evening! Two drinks later, I’m giggling like an idiot and feeling no pain. Dinner was great, but spending some much-needed time with my BFFs was so much better!
My takeaway: Don’t trivialize someone’s feelings when a loved one moves FAR away by telling them to “just go visit often” because it only intensifies the pain since they know they CAN’T “just go visit often”!! Also, if the person that’s in so much pain is your spouse, don’t be a clueless twit!! Tell them how sorry you are that they’re hurting and ask if there is anything you can do to help. And for Pete’s sake, do NOT try to make them feel bad because of what they’re going through! Just because you don’t agree with what they feel, it doesn’t give you the right to tell them their feeling are wrong and they shouldn’t feel that way! Don’t be “that” guy/girl/asshat! Be the supportive spouse, have an open mind, and TRY to see things from their perspective for once!!